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Historical Note
This turned out to be one of those ideas that sounded better in theory than it really was in practice. But I still like the introduction, and not just because it makes fun of Harvard guys.
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Calling All Bachelors
Problems With Your Love Life? Television Can Help!
So I hear The Bachelor is finally over and that Alex, The Bachelor, chose Amanda over Trista. This made a friend of mine very unhappy because, according to her, Trista was smart and put-together, while Amanda was just a well-endowed bimbo. Maybe that's true, but if you ask me, this is a rousing success for bimbos everywhere, who have long been the butt of numerous jokes, especially in teen movies where they're inevitably the victim of some accident that results in their losing all their clothes. Plus, I hear she was actually kind of sweet. The bigger mystery to me was why so many women were fighting over this guy in the first place. I mean, okay, he didn't have any visible open sores, which I suppose is a point in his favor. But he wasn't, as the kids say these days, "All that and a bag of chips." (At least, I think that's what the kids say these days. But then again, kids have started calling me "Sir" lately, which has been kinda freaking me out.) Is the big appeal supposed to be that he went to Harvard? 'Cuz that's not really all it's cracked up to be -- I mean, I've met some Harvard guys in my lifetime, and while some of them are cool people(1), there's a bunch of others who give you the impression that all they actually learned at Harvard was the ability to sneak the fact that they went to Harvard into completely unrelated conversations...
You: So, I went hang gliding last weekend.(I am, of course, exaggerating. Real Harvard guys don't end their sentences in prepositions. They really would have said something like, "At Cambridge, where I attended Harvard, there weren't any cliffs off of which to hang glide, Harvard Harvard Harvard.") But it got us thinking, having 25 different women fighting over you is guy's dream come true.(2) And we heard that with the success of the first show, they're now accepting application for The Bachelor II. So we decided that we needed to set Pete Thompson, our resident single guy, up on the show, given that he's pretty much alienated every woman here in the Bay Area and television might be his last option. So we went to the Bachelor's site and got Pete to fill out an application for us. I'm pretty sure ABC is going to reject us, since they're also asking for a videotape of Pete, along with his social security number and a copy of his drivers license, and, quite frankly, Pete's a little too paranoid to give that stuff out.(3) But we figured we'd share with you his application anyway. Enjoy!
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(1) Hey, Geoff. Okay, and hi, Dave...
(2) I mean, there's also that dream where I show up to class naked and we have an exam that day, but that's not really a good kind of dream.
(3) Along those lines, the tin-foil hat he wears to keep out CIA satellite transmissions doesn't show up well on videotape.