As you may know, EA.com (that's Pogo's parent company) has been nominated for a Webby award, a prestigious award given to people and companies that have sites on the Internet (official motto: "Congratulations! You've been nominated... what do you mean you've declared bankruptcy?"). Naturally, we were very excited, and we're encouraging you all to go vote for us in The Webby's People's Voice awards.

But lately, those folks at IGN have decided to start playing dirty. IGN, which you should not in any way go visit, because I hear their web site is... uh... loaded with pornography (much of it involving Ed Asner), started running this picture, in which they've threatened to shoot a Piakchu if they don't win.

Well, we here at The Pogo Shtick Funny Pages would never dream of stooping so low as to threaten harmless little fictional animals. Instead, we'd like to mention all the good we've done for the community.

For instance, did you know that we've opened up a habitat for 80's television stars? After watching too many promising careers end prematurely on E! True Hollywood Stories, we decided to step in and save one of our nation's most precious resources.

So through the Pogo 80s TV Star Preservation Foundation, we've reserved dozens of pristine acres of prairies, grasslands, and studio audiences. Television stars are captured using tranquilizers⁽¹⁾, and they are brought to our TV Habitat, where they can relax and recover from those stressful years of being under the lights. Until one day, they're once again ready to be re-introduced to society, usually through 1-800-COLLECT commercials, or possibly Celebrity Boxing matches. Some stars, such as Rick "Stop calling me Ricky" Schroeder, have been completely released back into the wild.

Our rescue efforts include an extensive breeding program as well. We've equipped our habitat with several elevators because, if you remember episodes of shows like Benson, Night Court, or The Nanny, you know that sitcom characters feel most comfortable giving birth while they're trapped in an elevator. With our special Elevator Breeding Program, we place pregnant female sitcom stars along with a panicky husband, a rabbi, and a tree doctor into one of our elevators, lock the doors for 22 minutes, and wait for the miracle of life to take its natural course. (Allowing for commercial breaks, of course.)

The environment is also a major concern for us. Did you know that a percentage of all tokens won by players are donated to organizations that are trying to save the rainforest? We've received wonderful feedback from many of these organizations, with comments ranging from, "I don't get it -- what are we supposed to do with these tokens?" to "It's normally customary to send a check."

We also do a lot of volunteer work. In conjunction with local Children's Hospitals, we've run several "Hug a Pogo Mascot!" events, all of which were huge successes. Until Spike, the Poppit! cactus volunteered. (The lawsuit is still pending.)

And finally, we'd like to point out that, unlike certain other web sites pandering for your votes, Pogo's web site is 100% free of illegal child labor. Now, our lawyers want me to stress that we're not saying that any of our competitors employ illegal child labor, but we're not not saying it either, if you get my drift.

So I think when all is said and done, it's fairly obvious that Pogo (or, more accurately, EA.com) should be your first choice when you go vote for your favorite gaming site for The Webby Awards.

Oh, okay. And if you don't vote for us, we're going to microwave this delicious Marshmallow Peep. And you wouldn't want that, would you?⁽²⁾

Hey, in other news, we've finally got the results to our last caption contest up on the site. You should go check those out. And I'll talk to you next week...