The world is full of idle threats.

For example, when your elementary school teacher threatened to cancel recess on you. Our teachers used to do this to us all the time. "If you kids don't behave," they'd say. "There will be no recess for anybody." This terrified us. Without recess, we wouldn't have time for such crucial activities as trading stickers. I don't think kids do this anymore, but when I was in the 3rd grade, this was huge. Of course, we never actually stuck these stickers to anything. Instead, we traded stickers in an attempt to get our hands on the rarest ones, imagining that in some black market sticker trading post somewhere, they would be worth a small fortune.

Shady underworld dealer: Yes, Mr. Kerpelman. I have the diamonds you requested, along with a briefcase full of unmarked Atari games. Now... show me the sticker.
Me: (Reaching into my pocket) Gentlemen, behold... the Red Licorice Scratch n' Sniff!
Shady underworld dealer and his posse: Ooooohhhhhhhhh....

I think I can safely say that in 1983, the sticker-trading economy generated by my 4th grade class was slightly larger than the entire economy of Morocco.

Of course, now that I'm older and have friends who are teachers, I've realized the truth: There's no way on earth a teacher in her right mind would cancel recess. Recess is the only time teachers have to sit down and smoke a half-pack of cigarettes in the teachers' lounge without having to stop every 30 seconds and give some kid permission to go to the bathroom. So kids, don't ever worry about teacher canceling recess. If they threaten to do it, you just call their bluff. They'll be backpedaling faster than, uh, you know, a guy who backpedals a lot.

Anyway, we here at the Pogo Shtick Funny Pages follow through on our threats. Remember how, a couple of weeks ago, we threatened to microwave this Peep if EA.com didn't win a Webby? Well, it turns out we didn't win. Some site that I'd never even heard of (Swirve, I think) won. Now, we're gracious losers. We've kept our prank calls to the Swirve people to twice a day, maximum. And we've only signed them up for magazine subscriptions that we thought they might need. (I mean, what hi-tech employee wouldn't want a subscription to "Cosmo Girl!"?)

However, we did end up microwaving the Peep. Partly to show that we mean business here at the Shtick. And also, because they've been sitting at my desk since Easter, and my co-workers were kinda wondering if I was ever going to get around to doing anything with them.

By the way, I'd like to point to any kids who are reading that the following demonstration should not be attempted without parental supervision. Preferably your father, 'cuz your mother has too much common sense to allow this sort of thing in the first place.

Actually, come to think of it, you shouldn't try this at all. For one thing, it's probably a fire hazard. For another, your house will smell like this weird combination of burnt smores and gym socks for a couple of days. And finally, if your teacher ever found out, she'd cancel recess.

Incidentally, for those of you who are squeamish and can't stand the sight of fluff, you may not want to turn the page. This next page does involve pictures of marshmallow animals in peril. It's not pretty.

Okay, ready? Watch what happens when we don't win a Webby...