Welcome to Inside Pogo, the little section of Pogo that gives you something to read while you're waiting for those intermissions to end. This month, we're interviewing U-Go Girl, the hero from the future who defends the earth in Sci-Fi Slots. We take a few moments to ask U-Go Girl about what it's like being the defender of the earth, and she dispenses with the Sci-Fi Slots advice with the same enthusiasm a winning slot machine dispenses tokens. Okay, metaphors aren't our strong suit. So sue us.

Kicking butt isn't as easy as you'd think. U-Go Girl must practice several hours a day by kicking imaginary butt.

Pogo: U-Go Girl, tell us about yourself.

U-Go Girl: I am U-Go Girl. I am here to save the earth from the Robot Apocalypse! I am protector of the innocent, righter of wrongs, defender of the helpless! Oh, and I just love my spinning class!

Pogo: Spinning class. You mean riding a stationary bike?

U-Go Girl: Ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, you people are so primitive -- spinning is much more sophisticated than merely "riding a stationary bike"!

Pogo: Really? What's it like?

U-Go Girl: Well, imagine that you're on a bicycle...

Pogo: Yeah...

U-Go Girl: ...except it doesn't go anywhere.

Pogo: I see. Uhh... so tell me, U-Go Girl, what's the 26th century like?

U-Go Girl: Do you remember all those episodes of Star Trek? Where they're going out and meeting new civilizations every week?

Pogo: Yeah! Is that what the future's like? Making contact with new civilizations?

U-Go Girl: Sort of. Except there's only one other civilization.

Pogo: Oh. That's a bit anti-climactic. What are they like?

U-Go Girl: They're much like normal humans, but more phlegmy.

Pogo: Really.

U-Go Girl: Oh, yes. Instead of breathing, they just cough constantly. They're also incapable as a species of turning off their cell phones, and they're seven feet tall and like to sit directly in front of you at the movies.

Pogo: You know, I think I've seen this other civilization.

U-Go Girl: Yes, they've been visiting earth's movie theatres since the late 20th century.

Pogo: So is the Internet still around in the future?

U-Go Girl: Not anymore. It was discontinued in 2188 because 99.9987% of all internet traffic was taken up by emails telling you how to get herbal Viagra and cheap printer cartridges, so there wasn't any room for anything else.

Pogo: Does that mean Pogo's not around in the future?

U-Go Girl: Oh, it's still around. In the future, Pogo beams their games directly into people's brains.

Pogo: Wow, that's trippy. Isn't it a little disorienting to have Pogo games beamed directly into your brain?

U-Go Girl: Yes, there was this one time I was playing Word Whomp when I was at the zoo, and... well... the ASPCA still hasn't forgiven me.

Pogo: Tell us about the Robot Apocalypse.

U-Go Girl: The Great Prophecy of the Robot Apocalypse is that the appearance of 7 robots will one day destroy the world.

Pogo: That's heavy! Where did you find this out?

U-Go Girl: Fortune cookie.

Pogo: Excuse me?

U-Go Girl: I was eating at Henry's House of Hunan with my trusty robot sidekick 18B4U. He got a cookie that said, "People appreciate your friendly attitude and smiling disposition." I got one that said "A horrible robot apocalypse will one day destroy your entire civilization."

Pogo: That's pretty depressing.

U-Go Girl: Yes it is. And it's not even funny if you add "...in bed" to the end of it.

Pogo: So, tell me, when it comes to defeating a series of apocalyptic robots, do you employ any strategies?

U-Go Girl: Always look for their weakness. A robots greatest weakness is probably tied to its greatest strength. Robots are always built with a sense of irony.

Pogo: How literary. What about for people at home who are playing Sci-Fi Slots? Any suggestions?

U-Go Girl: You mean, strategy?

Pogo: Yeah.

U-Go Girl: Well... it's a slot machine. There's not a whole lot of strategy there.

Pogo: Oh, c'mon. There's gotta be something. Do you get better luck clicking the "Bet Max" button, or clicking the handle?

U-Go Girl: I like clicking the Bet Max button. I feel like the game goes a little faster that way, but I don't think you get better results.

Pogo: Do you always bet the maximum amount?

U-Go Girl: Always. I like living on the edge. Besides, if you bet more, then you win more when the machine pays off. I always like betting the maximum amount when playing Sci-Fi slots.

Pogo: I hear there's a surprise twist to the story. Will you tell me what it is?

U-Go Girl: Of course not -- If I did that, it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?

Pogo: Are you really a man?

U-Go Girl: No.

Pogo: Are you really a ghost?

U-Go Girl: No.

Pogo: Are you really a cross-dressing ghost?

U-Go Girl: That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Pogo: So where did these robot designs come from?

U-Go Girl: It happened that back in the 20th century, an artist at Pogo had a collection of robots on his desk. Centuries later, after Pogo was recognized by the Earth Arts Council as being the pinnacle of cultural achievement, the offices were meticulously studied. And when scientists designed their new breed of robots, they based their designs on these toys.

Pogo: Wow. I didn't know Pogo would be so influential.

U-Go Girl: Yes, in many ways. It was after they investigated your desk that they declared that all workers should spend five minutes every hour checking out pictures of bikini models on the internet.

Pogo: Uh... ha ha ha! What a kidder. Anyhoo, I noticed at the beginning of Sci-Fi slots, there's a robot face that looks happy and then mad. Is there a pattern when it turns happy or angry?

U-Go Girl: No, it's entirely random. It'll go from happy to ticked-off for no particular reason.

Pogo: Wow. Who knew they designed a robot based on my ex-girlfriend?

U-Go Girl: Careful...

Pogo: Hey, isn't it weird talking to me from the future? I mean, what if you accidentally say the wrong thing and I prevent your parents from meeting?

U-Go Girl: That's okay. If that ever happened, I wouldn't be around to tell you that wrong thing in the first place.

Pogo: Whew! What a relief. One last question from our male readers, are you single?

U-Go Girl: Yes. It's been very difficult to maintain a relationship. Partially because I think some men are intimidated by my superpower abilities. Also, you'll notice that love interests of superheroes are usually taken hostage by evil supervillains.

Pogo: Yeah, I did notice that. That could be a real strain on your relationship.

U-Go Girl: Indeed. I wasn't able to rescue my last boyfriend in time and he was shot into the sun.

Pogo: That must be rough.

U-Go Girl: Yes, but it's still less painful then going through the whole "Let's just be friends" speech.

Pogo: Amen to that. Oh no! Look out! A giant meteor is heading towards the earth!

U-Go Girl: Great Asimov's Ghost! Time to get into action!!!

Will U-Go Girl prevent the destruction of the planet? Will the Civilization of Phlegmy People take over our movie theatres once and for all? Is spinning class really more than riding a stationary bike? Find out in the next episode of... Inside Pogo!!

Special thanks to Bob Ting for opening up the inter-dimentional time gateway that allowed us to communicate with U-Go Girl. (He's going to have a killer long-distance phone bill.)