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Martha! Martha! Martha!

Oh, so, you think you're good with arts and crafts, do ya? Well let's see how you do against the Grand Funk Master of arts and crafts -- Martha Stewart. We picked up one of the Martha Stewart books we've got lying around the office(1), and came up with a bunch of questions for you. Let's see how well your decorating skills measure up.

And remember, if this quiz proves to be stressful, you can relax with a nice glass of tea infused with rhubarb and a sprig of fresh mint. Or a shot of tequila. Whichever.

If you want clams to expel most of their sand before you cook them, you should soak them in a mixture of cold water and what?

Corn meal
Saffron
Salt
Vodka
Which of the following does Martha not mention can be made from ordinary dish towels?

Aprons
Homemade notebook covers
Kitchen curtains
Monogrammed napkins
Cut a rectangle out of a sheet of 26-gauge nickel silver. Bend at a line 4 inches up from the bottom. Decorate the edges by hammering a center punch through the metal at 1/8-inch intervals. This will end up with a delightful-looking what?

Bookmark
Candle holder / reflector
Placecard holder
Shiv
What liquid does Martha recommend sprinkling over sliced strawberries to bring out their flavor?

Balsamic vinegar
Jasmine tea
Lemonade
Red wine
Pansies, Johnny-jump-ups, Forget-me-nots and Violets are all flowers that have what in common?

They're edible
They can keep away mosquitos
They're best for making dried bouquets
If you grind them up, they make excellent natural dyes
What type of plant does Martha recommend hanging from your shower to "Wake you up and brace you for another day"?

Arabian coffee shrub
Dill
Eucalyptus
Peppermint
Melt the ingredients in a double boiler. Skim any froth. Mix in coloring and, if desired, essential oils. Place in milk carton bottoms, cans, or vegetable cutters as molds. Let stand until hardened, abut two hours. Try adding poppy seeds or an orange peel as a nice touch. This is a recipe for making your own what?

Candles
Chocolate bars
Jello
Soap
Got an extra dried gourd sitting around? (Yeah, don't we all...) Well, don't just let it sit there! Use a 4-inch hold-saw bit to drill a hole in the side, and you've got a perfect... what?

Bird feeder
Chopstick holder
Paper clip holder
Wine jug
When does Martha use a few drops of glycerin in her cooking?

To help your egg whites fluff up properly
To keep homemade sherbet from freezing into a solid block
To prevent homemade lollipops from sticking to their molds
To make frosting look especially shiny
How does Martha recommend chopping an onion so your eyes don't water?

Chop it under running water
Chop it near an open flame
Chop it while sucking on a sweet candy
Chop it with your eyes closed

(1) Okay, truth be told, I had to go out and buy the book. The whole Martha Stewart thing is pretty foreign to me. Sure, the idea of making my own placecards for my next dinner party is intriguing, but I don't think my last dinner party had utensils, much less placecards.


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