Hi, everybody. Spike (the Poppit cactus) was complaining lately that there's only so many millions of games of Poppit! he can host before he goes a little bonkers. So we decided to let him answer some of the reader mail that's been piling up in our mailbags. It gave him something fun to do, and gave us more time to slack off and play solitaire, so it's pretty much a win-win situation all around.

Anyway, here's this week's mail. Enjoy...

Dear Spike: What's the deal with that Buckaroo Blackjack guy? He's always dealing the gold and silver bonus cards to himself. And then the one time he deals the bonus cards to me, he wins! What's going on? Does Bucky hate me?!? Sincerely, Chris F., Seattle

Dear Chris:

No, Bucky doesn't hate you. You have to understand that the cards dealt in a game of Buckaroo Blackjack are determined by a random number generator that...

Oh, wait. Did you say your name was Chris?

From Seattle?

Oh, yeah, Bucky HATES you.

Seriously, that's, like, all he ever talks about these days. I mean, I'm all, "Hey, Bucky. How was your weekend?" and he's like, "It was pretty mellow. Also, I hate Chris F. in Seattle." Man, is he ticked off. Seriously, between you and me, don't give this guy your home address.

--Spike

Dear Spike: What was it like being in San Francisco with the Giants in the World Series? Hamilton L., Texas

Dear Hamilton.

Well, we were disappointed when they didn't win game 7. But a lot of the talk around here has been this play, where J.T. Snow grabbed Dusty Baker's 3-year-old son and stopped him from being seriously injured at home plate.

A lot of the women around here have their hearts a-flutter because, apparently, rescuing kids is a sexy thing to do. Also, the drinking water here causes heart arrhythmia.

But what you might not know is that this is a pretty common occurrence. For example, here's a snapshot from the Giants away game vs. the Pirates, where Darren wandered a little too close to Three Mile Island while trying to retrieve a bat.

And there was that time Darren got a little too close to the Hindenberg landing field.

And, most frightening of all, was when J.T. Snow just barely saved little Darren from starring in "Serving Sara". We were all pretty nervous about that one.

Anyway, it's been a great year for the giants, and we look forward to some great match-ups next year. Like when they take on the Atlanta Braves in Turner Field, conveniently located next to the Atlanta Bright Colored Shiny Things and Mousetraps Factory.

--Spike.

Dear Spike: yea ur dumb send back if u got this --brattie

Dear Brattie....

At first, we thought your mail was a little immature. Until Pogini (he's the big reader around here) pointed out this is actually a quote from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet -- the Instant Messenger Edition.

MisterRomeo29371:	Wassup -- any lights thru yonder window breaking?
CapuletzRule:	yea ur dumb send back if u got this
MisterRomeo29371:	lol. a/s/l?
CapuletzRule:	15, f, fair Verona
MisterRomeo29371:	Are u a hottie?!!!?
CapuletzRule:	brb... my Nurse is here.
MisterRomeo29371:	hb :)
CapuletzRule:	Got 2 go. want 2 chat 2morrow?
MisterRomeo29371:	Yes! 9:00?
CapuletzRule:	Okay. :) Parting is such sweet sorrow! :( :( :(
MisterRomeo29371:	c-ya. ((((((((((CapuletzRule29371)))))))))

Sorry. Hang on. Shakespeare always makes me cry...

--Spike

Dear Funny Pages People: I think calling yourselves The Pogo Funny Pages is a gross misrepresentation. While I found your Death Race quasi-experiment engaging and socially conscious, it certainly was not funny. Thank you, Darren.

Dear Darren:

Thank you for your comments. You're absolutely right, of course. Unfortunately, those jerks over at The Pogo Engaging and Socially Conscious Quasi-Experiment Pages have already stolen the title we wanted. "The Funny Pages" was the only title left. Sorry for the confusion.

--Spike

Back to The Pogo Shtick Funny Pages