Hi, everyone. Well, Spike (the Poppit cactus) had so much fun answering your letters last time, he insisted we let him do it again!

Well, okay. The truth? He didn't want to do it, but he'll pretty much do whatever we tell him to. I mean, we're the ones with the food and the water and the movable limbs, and he's a cactus. What's he going to do -- photosynthesize us to death?

Anyway, here's what we dug up in this week's mailbag...

Dear Spike: I think Pogo games are the best! But aren't you worried that being a dot-com is going to put you out of business? Have you thought about selling Pogo products in stores? I know I'd buy them. Thanks for listening! -Mike Los Angeles, CA

Dear Mike:

Yeah, Pogo has tried several times in the past to branch out into the real world, but none of them have been particularly successful.

For example, here's "Hug Me Spike," a doll we released back in 1998.

Hug Me Spike said several amusing phrases when you hugged him, including, "I hope you washed your hands first," "Don't touch me," "I told you not to touch me," and "Your continued inappropriate bodily contact has created an hostile work environment for me."

We were sure he was going to fly off the shelves, but sales were mediocre. This surprised me, because I thought he was a darned handsome toy, but I guess the public can be fickle. On the bright side, Pogo Brand Antiseptic Bandages sold surprisingly well that year.

We later tried to branch out into home versions of Pogo games. For example, here's the home version of Word Whomp...

We all thought it would be great fun, but it was just one problem after another. For starters, it took forever to train the gophers to hold the little signs. Not to mention all the requests for replacement gophers. And then the animal rights people started protesting. Since I'm Pogo's official ambassador to the outside world, I thought I'd smooth things over by taking them out to dinner.

In hindsight, I guess Outback Steak House was a poor choice.

Along those lines, we also tried a home version of Tumble Bees, but that one never made it out of the prototype phase.

Finally, Bucky of Buckaroo Blackjack tried a spin-off product of his own, but I suppose consumers don't really associate him with good hygiene.

Plans for a Bucky line of bikini wax were scrapped soon afterwards.

So there you go, Mike. We've tried a few spin-off products, but none of them have really worked. So until Showbiz Slots: The Movie makes it to the big screen (word on the street is that Angelina Jolie is verrrrry interested) you'll just have to stick with finding Pogo stuff on line. Or at the pogoGear Store, 'cuz coffee always tastes better when you're drinking it out of a mug with a corporate logo on it.

Really.

Oh, just buy a darned mug, would ya? We need the money.

Sincerely,
Spike

Dear Spike: Have you been playing The Sims Online. What's it like? Write back soon! Jenny Portland, OR

Dear Jenny.

Yes, some of us here at Pogo have been playing a sneak preview of The Sims Online, and I've gotta tell you, it's pretty fun. It's like, you can be the biggest freeloader in the whole world and nobody cares. You can walk into another person's house and say stuff like...

You: Hi, total stranger. Can I use your shower and eat your food and swim in your pool and sleep in your bed and read your books and make out with your roommate?

Other Sims person: Sure!

You: Oh yeah, and I peed on your kitchen floor.

Other Sims person: Oh. (Pause) Hey, help yourself to the buffet!

So anyway, Jenny, I recommend the Sims Online, even if you're not a freeloader, because it's got some fun non-freeloading activities, too. But when when you choose your Sim body, pick, say, one of the hot chicks or a pimp-daddy instead of a cactus. Because when you're a cactus, people either try to water you or move you to a corner.

I'll see you online,
Spike.

Dear Spike: I think you're totally cool. Will you go out with me? I'm really cute and sexy. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo Emily Vancouver, B.C.

Dear Emily,

Thanks for the offer, but I don't think it will work. For starters, I'm a comic character, and you're probably not. And those mixed-media relationships never work out. Not that dating in the comic world is any easier, believe me. The last date I went on... well, she was a little loopy.

Maybe I'll see if that Luann girl is available. She'd be great if she just stopped moping about that Aaron guy.

Thanks for the offer, though. Why don't you try dating Pete Thompson, our freelance writer? He's been having trouble finding dates lately. But, between you and me, I think it's because he's still using those Bucky Bath products.

Yours truly in a platonic sort of way,
Spike.

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