Hello to all our loyal readers! (And the rest of you who clicked here accidentally when you were trying to get to Solitaire)

So I hope you all had a good Thanksgiving. I know I did -- I went back home to visit my family in New England, where we engaged in one of the oldest and most time-honored New England Thanksgiving activities: arguing about how high the thermostat should be set. You can even see records of this in the very first Thanksgiving with the Pilgrims...

Pilgrim Daughter: Prithee, father deareste. Canst thou not tourne up the fire anouther notchee?

Pilgrim Father: Forsooth! I hath already added one morest stick. Dost thou thinketh I hast been made of farthings?

Pilgrim Daughter: But I cans't feele mine fingeurs!

Pilgrim Mother: Perhaps thou shouldst go put onne a sweaterre.

Now, don't y'all worry. I haven't been fired. (Yet.) In fact, one of the reasons we're discontinuing the Funny Pages is that, theoretically anyway, I'm actually supposed to be spending my time working on Pogo games. But the truth is The Funny Pages has just been taking away more and more of my time...

My Boss: Hey, Todd. Have you finished writing that design document yet?

Me: Oh, gosh, I'll get to that just as soon as I finish Photoshopping these pictures of gophers to look like one of our employees is hitting them with a baseball bat.

My Boss: Uhhh... right.

Personally, I'm a little disappointed I wasn't able to get some vodka company to sponsor the whole plant deathrace thing. I mean, I've seen lots of liquor advertisements all over the web, and they seem to suggest that vodka beverages are enjoyed by hot models in swimsuits and guys with washboard stomachs and, well, that certainly describes the Funny Pages staff to a tee.

But in hindsight, I guess companies weren't especially interested in articles that featured their product, ya know, killing things.

Then there's the problem that Pete Thompson, our most prolific freelance writer, is in jail. Basically, Pete got a little ticked off at a car that was tailgating him on the freeway last week. So he hucked a burrito out his window and onto the windshield of the car behind him. I wish I had been there to see it, because apparently the burrito just exploded all over the place -- refried beans and rice went everywhere. But the state of California has some pretty strict anti-burrito-hucking laws and Pete's now in jail for the next 30 days or so.

So basically, with all that in mind, plus the fact that certain vodka-flavored beverage companies are gonna be suing me for those pictures any day now, we decided that it was probably for the best to discontinue the Pogo Funny Pages (Awww...) So this'll be the last issue of the features you'll be reading for a while. We'll leave up this section for another week or two, then we'll be replacing the Funny Pages link on the front page with something even cooler. So now's your last chance to check out old features before they go away.

But anyway, on an intentionally not-funny note, I just wanted to say thanks to everybody who read The Funny Pages over the last few months, and especially to all of you who wrote in with kind words. (To those of you who wrote in with not-so-kind words, y'all can go make your own freakin' humor site if you're such humor experts.) It's been a lot of work trying to come up with something funny yet non-offensive every week, but it's also been a lot of fun.

So that's about it. As we at the Funny Pages move on to other things, we know we'll always have a little piece of the Funny Pages with us. I'm not talking figuratively, either. I've still got a plate of Peeps on my desk from last April's feature, and they're kinda petrified at this point. I figure with the holidays coming up, they'll make good paperweights for all our staff members. I'm all in favor of gifts with sentimental value -- not 'cuz they make better gifts. It's just that I'm pretty cheap.

Thanks again for reading! See ya later!

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